The Person I'm Becoming

I don't like the person I seem to be turning into.

I think things I never thought I would think.. I say things I said I'd never say.. I do things I said I'd never do...

And there is this one group of people that don't see this stuff, and they have me on this pedestal that I don't deserve to be on.  And there is another group that does see this stuff, and they have me driving the bus to hell.  I don't know how to end up back on middle ground where I am doing, saying, LIVING as I should be.

I can't keep doing this back and forth bit.  There are people that look up to me, and if they continue to see this downward spiral, it could shatter their view of the world and the way things work.  There are people that I look up to, that would be so disappointed or distraught if they knew what was going on all the time...

It's time for me to grow up and quit following the crowd.

But how do you do that when that's all you know?