The Person I'm Becoming

I don't like the person I seem to be turning into.

I think things I never thought I would think.. I say things I said I'd never say.. I do things I said I'd never do...

And there is this one group of people that don't see this stuff, and they have me on this pedestal that I don't deserve to be on.  And there is another group that does see this stuff, and they have me driving the bus to hell.  I don't know how to end up back on middle ground where I am doing, saying, LIVING as I should be.

I can't keep doing this back and forth bit.  There are people that look up to me, and if they continue to see this downward spiral, it could shatter their view of the world and the way things work.  There are people that I look up to, that would be so disappointed or distraught if they knew what was going on all the time...

It's time for me to grow up and quit following the crowd.

But how do you do that when that's all you know?

I am a great storyteller...

I am a great storyteller.

At least, that's what Mark told me this time last week.  I concocted a fairly believable tale of a wild evening during Conference, and he truly thought that I was possibly telling the truth.  Unfortunately, I'm not a good liar, so I wasn't able to keep the charade going for long after the story's completion.  Oh well.. If nothing else pans out, perhaps Harlequin will be looking for new authors...

Mom pointed something out today.  If I do graduate next May as planned, I will not be covered on Dad's health insurance anymore.. That is going to be a bummer... Especially with the stuff I've been looking to do during that time.  I don't know how all of that will work out with no insurance... Maybe I'm doomed to stay in Medical Billing.. 

In other news, it has rained for the past 4 days.  I'm glad, but I haven't been able to just sit and enjoy it.  It decides to rain only while I'm in the office or on the road headed somewhere with a schedule to keep.  Growing up sucks sometimes.

I desperately need a day of playing in the park...  Too bad most of my friends have gone home for the summer.  I can't go by myself, because that makes me the creepy old person.... I get out of the car and walk toward the swings, all the Moms frantically look around and gather their children... Not a good day.  The last thing I need is to be on the 6 o'clock news as the possible predator lurking around the local park.. Geez...

Adulthood is going to kill my spirit.. I can already feel it.