This font reminds me of typewriters

This font reminds me of typewriters.  That is highly appropriate since I'm feeling a bit nostalgic.

I feel lonely lately.

I also realized most of the "relationships" I've had (if you can call them that)as of late are toxic.  I want to love the unlovable (that's how we ended up with 2 of our dogs, remember?) and it usually ends up back-firing.  Is it so bad to want to find the good in everyone?

I'm Jade D. and I'm jaded.  Who knew that name would be so appropriate in my mid- to late-twenties?

In other news, life is grand. Cody joined the Army and went through Airborne training. Thought he wanted to go the Ranger route, but voluntarily withdrew. I think he's happy with that decision, but he's had to face the fact that the ARmy isn't all he thought it was going to be. At the end of the day, it's still just a job. This job gets to tell you exactly where you will live though.

I stood next to my friends Amanda and Sam in April as they said "I do" and started their life as a family. it was a beautiful ceremony with perfect weather (a great feat in the middle of April!). We had so much fun planning her showers and her girls' weekend in Gulf Shores. When we saw her in her dress, it was like it had been made for her. And who knew Sam could clean up that nice?!?

A week later, my friend Taylor got married in Birmingham. Unfortunately I couldn't make it to that wedding with it being so close to Sam and Amanda's, but love was certainly in the air that month!


We went to Birmingham and saw Garth Brooks in concert. THE Garth Brooks. Like, the same one I've listened to since before I remember listening to music. It was hands-down the greatest concert I've even seen. The rest of the trip was chaos, but the concert was AMAZING. (The next day, as the driver who only got about 2 hours of sleep, I managed to leave my cell phone in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, leave my wallet with all of our ID's at the National Infantry Museum when we went to pick up Cody for lunch -- and note that we had to have those ID's to get Cody back on base -- and somehow we managed to get all of these back. the good Lord was looking out for us that day!)

 Myah got married too. In a very quick turn-around time from engagement to wedding, Myah and Austin established their new household on July 18,  2015. They recently moved to Tupelo because the company wants to open a new gym there, and they want Austin to get it up and going. It's been strange not having her at home anymore and even stranger to have her in another state.

Earline the Sentra decided she needed a new transmission, so I kicked her to the curb. Got a $500 pity trade-in for her, and got a young, hot fiery redhead instead. Veronica the Sportage is the best! I forgot what it was like to have a vehicle that would go and stop when you told it to, accelerate when you put your foot on the gas, AND heat and cool at appropriate times! It's been exciting.

Jenny, my old roommate ALSO got married this year, in Tampa. She and Mitch look so happy together. Couldn't make the trip for that one, but I'm sure it was a beautiful affair :)

Daddy had a cancer scare, but everything with that is on hold for the time being. Apparently, "let's wait six months and see what's going on then," is the new solution to everything. Mom also has a health concern with a similar "solution." Grr....

Jasmine and Dustin are anxiously awaiting the migration from Iowa to SC. Jasmine is ready to be away from the corn field landscape and the endless snow. She's missed being near a coast. Even though she won't quite have her sugar-sand beaches, she said any beach is better than Iowa cornfields.

Cosmo has most of his fur back! I don't know what he was allergic to, but I'm glad he's off of his 9 pills at a time. His little kamikaze Cosmo maneuver out my back car window scared the living daylights out of me (and, once I was sure he was okay, made me want to kill him.) Jumping from a moving SUV while on the way HOME from the easiest vet visit he's ever had? I don't know what that dufus was thinking!

Life is good! 

Same Old Lang Syne

It's typically "easiest" to focus on the things that aren't working out as planned.

This year was a tough year on that front. 

The interesting thing, though, is that so many of the things I allowed to creep in and steal happiness and joy were of my own doing. It was because of the mindset I was in. I don't remember where I heard it, or who said it first, but someone told me that when you are focused on yourself, you are most lonely. The very act of "focusing on yourself" means you are looking down at your body or your feet, shutting others out, hunched and small as you go about your daily life. It is only when you look up and out in the world -- when you start to really see other people and do things to help others and be with others -- that you start to stand straighter and emanate the warm, inviting glow again. You smile again. You laugh again. You can feel joy and excitement and enthusiasm again. You invite others to share your joy. It's all in the way you think.

This was a year of great things. I had the opportunity to celebrate new beginnings as some of my favorite people married or had first babies. I was able to leave a part-time job I hated to do work that I enjoy and that is fulfilling. That job afforded me the opportunity to see a concert I'd dreamed of seeing since I was little. It also provided a way for me to help a best friend and my sister both celebrate their upcoming weddings by co-hosting a bachelorette party and showers (something I couldn't have done otherwise). Another very part-time position was made available to me almost one month to the day prior to finding out I'd have to purchase a new vehicle, thereby providing assurance that a car payment was an additional expense I could take on. There were a few health concerns among family members that were brought to light that are, at least for the time being, not nearly as serious as originally thought. We were able to travel to Ft. Benning to see my brother graduate from Basic Training and take the first steps in his career. 

Despite all those great, exciting things and others I've forgotten to list, I found myself sad. That word doesn't carry enough weight, but I can't think of another word to explain it. It reached the point where I didn't want to go anywhere. I woke up. I went to work. I fulfilled the few absolute obligations I had. I went home. And when I got home, I sat and focused on all those things that weren't going my way. The more I focused on those things, the worse I felt, and the harder it was to get out and do the things I used to enjoy. I didn't want to see my friends. I didn't want to go to the movies. I didn't even want to go to the weekly small-group study I'd grown to love. It was miserable and strange. It led to terrible feelings of jealousy, anger, loneliness, and meanness. I felt so many mean and cruel things in my heart towards people who did nothing to me except to include me in their joyful moments. I hate the person it made me. 

Then, when I was feeling my worst (and possibly because of that mood) I had a break-up. Now, this wasn't a real relationship - it was a complicated mess that went on for something like 2 years, and each of the two involved parties had a completely different idea about what this "situationship" was based on and where it was going. To be honest, it should have never happened in the first place. But nonetheless, it ended and it hurt like a break-up. I was angry, embarrassed, sad, and a myriad of other emotions all at once. It took a single conversation for me to shift from completely trusting this man to seeing him as a total stranger. For a little while, it flipped my world upside down. I thought I'd felt bad before? This wrecked me.

Funny thing with wrecks, though. They aren't destroyed. I'm not "all better" yet, but I've decided it's time to shift that mindset from the self to others again. Blessings abounded this year. I didn't offer up nearly enough thank-yous. Too many smiles were forced. Too many hugs were cold and tense. Too many congratulations were offered without enthusiasm. As we change out our calendars again, I'm resolving to be present, be encouraging, and be positive. I'll have PEP, if you will. (It made me giggle. Small steps people!) Hopefully, in shifting my focus back to the world again, I'll find that part of myself I used to like so much.

Happy New Year, friends. I sincerely wish for happiness, blessings, and some of your best memories in the coming year. 

~Jaderade